Extinguish the Flamers
by Evil and Hunter
Summary: We're just two people that want to get back at the flamers here on We're tired of your pairing wars and we want them to stop now. Flamers and Anon. flamers are welcome and shall be added into future chapters. ALL CLEON FANS READ!
1. Chapter 1

"Cleon fucking sucks!" echoed the voice. The man at which the voice belonged to shivered from the coldness of his cell. He tried to look around, but failed since there wasn't even a beam of light to be found.

He rubbed his arms trying to get the numb felling out of them. He heard a door open and two figures appeared in the frame. He rattled the bars on the cell and screamed some more.

"You mother fuckers. I'll fucking get you back, I swear it."

"I don't think so Mr. CALF. You're going to be here a long time." said the first voice.

"What the fuck I'm not a baby cow. My name is Tom ya bitch."

"Well Mr. CALF do you want to know what your challenge is?" replied the second voice.

"Challenge what? All i did was say that Leon and Claire wouldn't fucking work. And then something knocked me out and i woke up here. And I know it was about Cleon because you wrote 'Cleon rules' over my chest with permanent markers!"

"It was better than having it tattooed wasn't it?

"Yeah but..." he pushed his glasses up on his nose. "What the fuck is your deal!"

"Follow us and we'll show you."

his cell was opened and he was grabbed by the shoulders. He was dragged and pulled into a bright light. After his eyes adjusted he looked at his two assailants. They were two young girls wearing 'CLEON RULES!" shirts. They were pretty damn hot too!

He kept reading the shirts over and over again. Well that's what he was playing off as he stared at their boobs. They took him into a lush furnished room and lead him to a soft recliner.

"Wait, who are you guys?" asked Tom nervously.

"I"m Ivawn, but you have to call me 'Evil'."

"Evil, what the fuck kinda name is that dumb sh-." he was cut off from the other one.

"And I'm Suzanne, but you can call me 'Hunter'."

"Hunter? Ok what the fuck are you two planning now?" he got up from the chair trying to get away. The two women grabbed his shoulders once again and set him down.

Evil got up close to the right side of his face and whispered "You have to wait until the others get here." Hunter leaned into his left side and whispered "Just calm down, have a drink." Hunter offered him a glass of Bacardi Zombie.

"But I'm not old enough to drink, I'm only-"

"Sixteen." said the two girl in unison.

"Are you saying that you've never had alcohol?" asked Evil. Hunter chuckled and took a sip from the glass. She licked her lips and then said "Haven't you ever wanted to try it?"

"No, now get that shit away from me you goddamn freaks!"

"Freaks?" they said innocently "But we're just two girls offering you a drink."

"You kidnapped me and tried to give alcohol to a minor!"

"We didn't kidnap you." said Evil.

"But we did offer you alcohol. How shameful." replied Hunter as she downed the rest of the glass.

"Then who the fuck kidnapped me!" demanded Tom.

A phone rang and Hunter answered it.

"Hello? You're here. great we'll bring him right over." she hung up the phone and looked at Tom.

"You're not touching me scank!" the dodge her and fell into the grasp of Evil.

"Shut up nerd, or we'll have to gag you!" she spat.

They both lead him through the house they were in. They went through a door and ended up in what seemed to be a backyard.

The two shoved him into the dirt and walked over to what seemed like sidelines. They sat down in lawn chairs and began to drink mixed drinks as they watched him sit in the dirt.

"Hey what are you two doing!?"

"Shut up CALF, the show is just beginning!" exclaimed Hunter as she turned on cam corder that was next to her.

"Come on out!" screamed Evil as she sat up higher in her chair.

Tom turned around and saw the garage door slowly open. He sat in disbelief as all of the Resident Evil characters appeared right in front of him. Wesker was the first to get up to Tom and grabbed him by the collar.

"This is going to be fun." he slammed Tom down the ground and kicked him across the dirt. The CALF clutched his stomach in pain and looked up at the man with red eyes.

"What the fuck dude! You're my favorite character!"

"Well you didn't pay me to do this. I'm doing what I was paid to do." Wesker once again picked up Tom, but he handed him off to the next person in line.

"Chris Redfield?"

Chris hit him in the face and shoved him down.

"Wha-"

"You don't think that my little sister can be with Leon? Boy you're retarded."

Jill walked up next and kicked him in the nether regions.

"That's for thinking the same thing."

"WHY!!" screamed the CALF at the top of his lungs.

"Because you're a fucking dick face." said two voices.

He thought that it was Evil and Hunter, but they just sat there eating cookies. They shrugged and him and pointed to what was behind him. He turned around and saw Claire and Leon together.

"What..." he muttered as he held onto him groin.

"We've been together for years." stated Leon calmly. Claire snorted and started at the kid with glare.

"You should really learn how to shut the fuck up."

Leon and the others turned away and walked over to Evil and Hunter. Mysteriously there were more chairs out and they sat down.

"Release the child!" screamed Evil and Hunter.

Tom looked around and saw clear walls shooting up around him. He looked at his 'audience' and saw that they were all eating cookies and drinking.

"You go girl!" screamed Claire at the top of her lungs.

CALF turned around and saw a very pissed off Sherry Birkin. She crazily leapt on him and started beating the shit out of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! For the love of God I'm fucking sorry!"

"TOO LATE CALF!!" screamed the crazy girl.

"What the fuck is a 'calf'!!"

"It's a 'Claire And Leon Flamer' you fucking fuck."

Sherry slammed her foot down into his face and knocked him unconscious She looked over at the others and smiled. The walls went down and she ran over to eat a cookie. After she did that she walked back over to Tom and kicked him once more.

"Well be better get him back into his cell. We'll have more fun with him tomorrow." stated Evil as she grabbed his ankles.

"Till tomorrow!" replied Hunter. She grabbed his arms and the two girls carried away the flamer while they were laughing maliciously.

**Authors Note: This is not a fucking joke. We want to flame all of the flamers back. You guys haven't heard the last from Evil and Hunter!! Also if you do flame us, well we don't care. We'll just have new CALFs to add into our story. Maybe you'll feel good that you're included in something for once.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When Tom woke up, the first thing he noticed, was that everything was dark. The only source of light was coming from a small barred window at the top of his cell. Then he realized that Evil and Hunter had returned him to his cell.

"Least they put me on the fucking bed…", he reassured himself.

He looked around some, trying to take in his surroundings as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He noticed his cell was locked with a padlock.

CALF formulated a "master escape" plan in his head.

When he finished, he pulled a paperclip out of his pocket, and unfolded it. Using a technique he learned from a Cleon convention, he unlocked the padlock. He didn't really know why he went to a Cleon convention. At the time, he thought that the more he got to learn about the pairing, the more he could hate. But that plan failed miserably.

After he was free from his cell, he tried to make his way to the stairs.

He almost made it without any problems, but he tripped over a few things, and accidentally landed on a hammer one of the few times, which left his right arm lightly bleeding.

"Curse my damn equilibrium", he whispered as he worked his way up the stairs.

At about his 7th or 8th step, he tripped on another hammer and hit his shin on the hard wooden steps,

"God freaking dammit...", he complained, "What's with all the fucking hammers? And why the hell are there so many steps?!" He looked up and saw about roughly 15-20 more steps. He cursed under his breath and continued on.

When he reached the 2nd to the last step, he couldn't help but fill with triumph, since he managed to make it that short distance unscathed by any stupid random objects like hammers. Since he was gloating to himself, he wasn't paying much attention to where his feet were going. When he placed his foot on the last step, he didn't realize there was a hammer in his way, and slipped on it when he went to move forward.

Tom fell down all of the stairs.

After he finally hit the bottom of the staircase, he cursed maniacally to himself because he broke one of the lens on his glasses. Then he wondered why neither of his captors had woken yet. He'd made tons of noise falling, but it didn't seem to wake anyone.

"Well if they're heavy sleepers…", he thought," maybe I'll be able to sneak a peek or two for revenge." He smiled at his brilliant plan. With pure joy and excitement, he carefully remade his way up the stairs, avoiding all random hammers.

When he emerged from the basement, he noticed that the house wasn't very big.

He seemed to already be in the living room, which had a front door. To his right was a kitchen, and to his left was a small hallway with three doors. He decided to find the girl's room.

As he advanced down the hall, he stopped at the first door, which was on his left. He held his breath, and carefully opened the door, to reveal a huge bathroom.

He sighed and continued down the hall, the next door was on his right. Tom figured this had to be it, because the third door was at the very end of the hall and was probably just a closet. But what he assumed was actually not true.....

He nervously gripped the other handle and slowly turned the knob, being careful not to make even the slightest noise. When the door was about halfway opened he peered in and looked around.

BINGO!

This had to be their room. Even though he couldn't see the whole thing, it screamed young adult girls. From what he could see, the two had an entire wall covered in nothing but Bam Margera posters.

Tom was eager now. He carefully slid into the room and mentally prided himself for downloading all those online ninja lessons. He quickly glanced around the room and noticed even more Bam Margera posters. He didn't think so many different poster of Bam even existed. Then he noticed both of the sleeping girls.

Hunter was sleeping on her stomach with her face smashed into a pillow. Evil was laying on her back with both hands behind her head, and appeared to be listening to an Ipod, but CALF could tell she was asleep because she was lightly snoring.

Tom's head began to fill with ideas that only a teenage boy would get while in a room with two sleeping girls.

He slowly crept towards Hunter's bed. There were no blankets covering her, so he had a perfect view of her ass in her tight white nightgown. Moments felt like hours, and when he was just close enough, he began to slowly reach out to touch, and when he was finally about to fulfill his goal, Hunter rolled over to her side and muttered something in her sleep, "stupid mother fucker…"

Tom threw a mental hissy fit. That was the closest he'd ever gotten to a girl, and now his hopes were crushed. He'd never gotten any dates or girlfriends, they all thought he too nerdy. And also, Tom wasn't that much of a looker, the glasses and the lanky body didn't really attract the ladies.

Tom sighed in defeat. Then he realized, he still had Evil to seek revenge upon.

He snapped his head up and looked over to where she was sleeping peacefully.

He carefully turned to Evil, she was still listening to her Ipod. CALF slowly began to inch towards her. When he was finally in front of her, Tom once again extended his arm, and after what seemed like an hour he was only a few inches away. As soon as Tom was about to fulfill his revenge, Evil stirred in her sleep.

She yawned and started stretching.

Mortified, Tom Froze. _"Holy shit.."_, he thought, _"What if she's awake? What if they catch me up? Out of my cell? Oh god…I'll never be able to outrun…."_

"CHRIIIIIISSS!!!!!", Evil howled.

Startled, Tom lost his balance and stumbled backwards falling face first on Hunter's back. Hunter jumped up and started screaming when she realized who was on top of her. Her shriek scared the living day out of Tom, and he joined her. She flipped him over and pinned him onto the bed. And while this was happening, Tom noticed just how short and tight her nightgown was on her. While she was pinning him down, Tom and Hunter screamed in unison, both like teenage girls.

His head began spinning, his night long struggle was all a lost cause. He wasn't quite sure what would happen, but he knew this night wouldn't end well.

Hunter got off of Tom and threw him off her bed, but when CALF hit the floor, he lost his glasses. Also, he heard Evil screaming at the top of her lungs for Chris still.

In a panic Tom quickly found his glasses, just in time to look into to doorway, to see Chris, in nothing but white boxers with little pink hearts, scowling at him.

The last thing Tom could remember seeing was Chris stomping towards him, and picking him up by the collar.

Chris held his unconscious form a few feet off the ground and looked at the two girls. "What should I do with the little pervert?"

Evil and Hunter blushed slightly from seeing Chris clad only in his boxers. No one could deny that Mr. Redfield was dead on sexy. But he belonged to Jill, just like Leon belonged to Claire.

The two had stupid grins on their faces as they stared at him, "Um.... put him back in his cell. But don't lock him up, we'll take care of him." replied Evil quickly. Hunter nodded and cleared her throat.

Chris nodded and dragged him off to the basement again, making sure that he wouldn't step on any hammers along the way.

Author's Note: WHHOOOAA! So that update took a really long time O-O; But nevertheless, we're still around! CLEON FOREVER!


End file.
